I know the word that you long to hear.

toothpastefordinner.com

In about five minutes I have to go mow the lawn.
Here and now, I have established that my goal in life is to acquire enough money to be able to hire a gardener for my yuppie, suburbian home in NE Portland.
This is mostly because I am the sort of person who severely dislikes anything to do with heat and yard work, but it's also because I just want to stick it to my parents to let them know that I feel I could be doing something more productive with my time.
"You cut the grass and it just grows right back! Why don't we go for sort of a jungle theme in our last weeks in this house? We always liked camping, it'll be like we're living in the wild for a few days..."

No amount of talking (or money) will get me out of it this time.

I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green.

Floss · y
- adjective, floss · i · er, floss · i · est.

1.	made of or resembling floss; downy.

2.	showily stylish; excessively ornamented or fancy.

So, what, Fergie? Did you have your song-writer go to thesaurus.com to look up exotic synonyms because the word "sparkley" had already been taken by Gwen Stefani?

And now for some personally amusing test results:


You're the Rock Star!
Take What sort of Hipster are you?.

Fuck college, fuck a "real" job! Music is your life! You're a hometown hero! You're in at least two local bands and are thinking of forming a third. You sleep on your friend's couch, eat your friend's food, and borrow your friend's car. You frequent the dark city bars and hang with the other rockers and groupies. You wear dirty jeans, well-worn t-shirts, and your hair is a mess. You're sinister and mysterious and look as if you don't give a shit. You worship the Rolling Stones, MC5, and your older brother's band. You're gonna make it big one of these days, you can just feel it.

That was fun, let's do another:


You are Quetzalcoatl...
Take Which religious Diety are you?.

You are the feathed serpent of ancient Aztec ideology. You are very precious and full of divinity. Those around you either do or would sacrifice much to gain your approval. You are very artistic and creative and never a bore to be around. You are surely a people person who is not afraid to show some personality.

Well, this was a waste of everybody's time...

It's too bad you were born under the ugly tree.

I think I should just let it be known that I have officially requested off the entire day of July 21st.
If that's not devotion then I don't know what is.
Have you seen the trailer yet?
Did you cry?
I did, I was also pulling a Regal-Illegal by sneaking into the theater while I was on duty.
Harry Potter is far more important than any "job."

Employee screening for Pirates of the Caribbean tomorrow night.
I've considered the possibility of not going because I couldn't care less about this movie.
If Johnny Depp showed up to Regal and asked me personally to see his film--and he provided me with two pounds of Raisinets and an endless amount of Italian sodas--I still wouldn't care about the movie. It doesn't really seem like a fair trade-off when I still have to stare at Orlando Bloom's face for two and a half hours.

I also do not feel like spending a late night with a few former employees who take it upon themselves to get trashed before they crash an exclusive screening and proceed to yell things at the screen for the entire of the film.
Hey guys. Yeah, have a few drinks and then, you know, drive home.

Whine, complain, bitch, moan, complain, whine...

The search for an apartment continues and I am starting to realize that if you want your own bathroom in this city you are forced to pay about $100 more than any reasonable price.
I'm willing to fork it over; there's just something about using the shower without having to worry about whether or not your creepy 50 year-old neighbor with two ferrets is standing right outside the door as you're shampooing.
He's already in a lot of my classes, I don't want to have to bring him home with me.

It's late and I am obligated to go to class in the ante meridiem.
I should probably get to sleep before the sun sees that I'm still awake.

You never give me your money.

Let's talk about 28 Weeks Later...
Let's talk about how hard it sucks--in spite of Robert Carlyle, who has a surprisingly brief part-- and how there's a different director AND how some of the original score was used for inappropriate parts of the film.
I have no shame in admitting that the entire time I was watching the movie I was thinking to myself, "This is going in the blog." I knew I had to spread the word and share the outrage: It's exactly the same movie only it's crappy and contains Americans.

Saturday, the family went out for our last brunch as a "unit." It wasn't at all depressing until my dad noted that it was the last day of all of us living together--as if the sky weren't gray enough that day.
After eating, Jessica and I took her new camera out to take some pictures (for her Myspace account). The city was pretty dead; it was cold and rain was looming. Nobody wanted to be outside that day.
So, we went down by the waterfront and decided to do some angsty, water/bridge shots; we joked about how people we know always show up whenever we're out doing this sort of thing.
Low and behold, not even five minutes after we uttered those words, who should come wandering out of the mist but one of my male managers (who is 23) and one of my female coworkers (who is 17).
Oh my, oh my; I couldn't believe my eyes and by the looks on their faces, neither could they.
They were also bearing an "Oh, shit..." look and I honestly wanted nothing more than to pretend like they weren't there. While work drama can be extremely entertaining, I always like to be the last person to find out about it; by then it becomes kind of a joke and I don't have to worry about rumors being spread when I laugh about it with other people.
We did the awkward, "Heeeey..." situation; I introduced my sister and after five extremely long seconds of "Yups" and "Uh huhs" I made some lame excuse about having to use the bathroom and we got the Hell out of there.

So, yesterday when I returned to work I was relieved to see the employee wasn't working. However, the manager came on a few minutes after I clocked in. He and I endured a long staring session where I silently relayed the message that I didn't want to know about his escapades outside of work any more than he wanted me to know about them. After a few hours of awkwardness, we relaxed and went back to normal and I forgot about the incident for the day.

Just one of the many situations that have pushed me to believe that I need to quit my freaking job and move to South America.

Oceansecho22

You have to read this.

There is no possible way this person is for real (and I have a sneaking suspicion it's actually a man...) but people are actually taking it seriously; the comments just add to the hilarity.

Ah hahaha, Livejournal is teh greatest.

You are the Spalding Gray of crap.

"Oh, you and your quasi-intellectual hobnobbery..."
I feel like college is sucking the intelligence--and the somewhat more important: life--out of me.
I think it's due to Google-ing sessions that last late into the night as I desperately search for these.

My computer and I had a brief disagreement but we spoke openly about our feelings and have come to a mutual agreement:
I will no longer drink iced tea within a five foot vicinity of the computer and the computer will stop emitting a hideous and high-pitched screeching noise whenever I turn it on.
Seems fair...

Spiderman officially opens tomorrow and I can't even begin to express the apprehension that I'm experiencing. Last year, I wasn't aware of the crowds these people are capable of forming and I think that provided me with a sense of ignorance that shielded my eyes from the horror and carnage that ensues every May.
Plus, I was an usher...
This year, I know what's coming; I know there's an angry mob waiting to rip me into tiny pieces one large popcorn at a time.
Oh Gawd, save me.


toothpastefordinner.com