"This is what happens when you drive a Hummer..." Cut to a giant tsunami crashing through an LA home owner's living room. His wife's hair extensions ripped out, the LCD television screen smashed to pieces, the over-priced Matisse knock-offs destroyed, all the internet-purchased organic food washes onto the front lawn, the Balenciaga briefcases and the Aramani suits soaked with muddy water, you get the idea.
"Oh, God! Not my Aramani! Why, God? WHHHHYY?!"
Then God's giant arm comes out of the sky, waves an enormous index finger at the LA home owner and says, "Because you didn't listen to Al Gore."
I'd listen to that commercial.
I was stuck in an extreme bout of gridlock on I-5 this morning. The bridge was up or something--I don't know--all I know is, I missed my first class because we weren't moving an inch. Bored out of my mind, I flipped through the AM channels and damned if I didn't hear the "Arthur" theme song on one of the Hispanic radio stations. Why Ziggy Marley was playing on a Hispanic AM channel, I'm not quite sure.
It was a bittersweet event, to be sure and made my traffic jam slightly less unbearable...
...For about a millisecond until the song ended and I realized I was sitting next to a bus full of middle school children who were all staring into my car because apparently privacy isn't really something that exists to a thirteen year-old.
The guy who just sat down three feet away from me is wearing such flagrant cologne that it's burning my eyes. I'm not even exaggerating, I may have to relocate. Three feet is a lot of feet. Think about it while I'm out here suffocating.
nataliedee.com
4 comments:
hello, I love you! I am sorry but matt has just bookmarked your blog, ahh the pressure.
Oh noes! I better step my game up.
I hope you're feeling better; I keep laughing at our conversation because I'm sure half of it didn't make sense as I couldn't understand what you were saying and was replying with what I assumed to be good answers.
Our phone conversation? That was a bit befuddled. This is honestly the longest cold I have ever had. I feel stuck in my head. An Island of snot if you will. I cannot respond sufficiently (wittily) to any conversation anymore. I fear many will lose interest in me. Be patient masses of fans! I will return to the world of the non-deaf nose breathers!!
3 feet IS A lot of feet. I only have two.
I went to lunch with my dad yesterday and the server was wearing cologne that smelled like urine. Either it was that new Eau du Piss stuff, or he really DID pee himself.
Not something I want to think about when I am eating!
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