Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny

Mr. Stegosaurus
(Hahahaha.)

I've developed an annoying habit of turning my alarm off in a stupor of sleep every morning.
Usually, the alarm will sound and without realizing I'll roll over and shut it off. I recently started setting my cell phone alarm as well to prevent me from being late; it takes a lot to get me out of bed in the morning.
This morning was particularly interesting; when my cell phone alarm went off I was convinced it was my regular alarm clock so I just started blindly smashing buttons to shut it off. This wasn't working so I decided to go for the source:
I grabbed my alarm clock, ripped the cord from the outlet in the wall and hurled the clock across the room.
It then dawned on me that the sound was coming from my cell phone; this was easily fixed and I just went back to sleep for a few hours.
When I woke up this morning I wondered what happened to my alarm clock, then looked at the middle of the floor and saw it lying face down on the carpet... looking pathetic, beaten and alone.

"Did you know you can have braids just like this with Ultra Mega Braids?"

Nobody puts Baby in the corner!

I dropped my cell phone into a glass of cranberry juice.
I've sent out for a new one but in the meantime I'm stuck with a very sticky--very broken--telephone.
At the same time, it's been kind of nice not having something permanently attached to my index fingers. Pretty sure I'll wake up tomorrow with finger cramps as I go the Text Message Withdrawal.

I'm reading Anselm and watching Dirty Dancing at 1 o'clock in the morning.
I thought I should remark on this as I'm pretty sure this combination has never occurred before.
I love the end: Baby and Johnny start some bumping and grinding in front of her parents and all of a sudden all the problems the family was experiencing disappear and they all join hands and engage in a grinding party.

Sounds like the makings of a bad porno when you write it out like that...

Some are dying for a cause but that don't make it yours...

Television stations should start broadcasting PSA's for global warming but use the same approach that Montana is using when it comes to the meth addictions.
"This is what happens when you drive a Hummer..." Cut to a giant tsunami crashing through an LA home owner's living room. His wife's hair extensions ripped out, the LCD television screen smashed to pieces, the over-priced Matisse knock-offs destroyed, all the internet-purchased organic food washes onto the front lawn, the Balenciaga briefcases and the Aramani suits soaked with muddy water, you get the idea.
"Oh, God! Not my Aramani! Why, God? WHHHHYY?!"
Then God's giant arm comes out of the sky, waves an enormous index finger at the LA home owner and says, "Because you didn't listen to Al Gore."

I'd listen to that commercial.

I was stuck in an extreme bout of gridlock on I-5 this morning. The bridge was up or something--I don't know--all I know is, I missed my first class because we weren't moving an inch. Bored out of my mind, I flipped through the AM channels and damned if I didn't hear the "Arthur" theme song on one of the Hispanic radio stations. Why Ziggy Marley was playing on a Hispanic AM channel, I'm not quite sure.
It was a bittersweet event, to be sure and made my traffic jam slightly less unbearable...
...For about a millisecond until the song ended and I realized I was sitting next to a bus full of middle school children who were all staring into my car because apparently privacy isn't really something that exists to a thirteen year-old.

The guy who just sat down three feet away from me is wearing such flagrant cologne that it's burning my eyes. I'm not even exaggerating, I may have to relocate. Three feet is a lot of feet. Think about it while I'm out here suffocating.


nataliedee.com

Secret's In The Sauce

I'm hoping that this whole cooking situation is just a passing phase.
My entire life I was content in knowing that when I grew up I was going to hook up with somebody who would cook for me. Then I'd graciously do the dishes and we'd call it even.
Unfortunately, now that I've found that I enjoy making dinner for people, I fear it's going to be the other way around and eventually I'm going to be obligated to cook dinner every night.
Except on Saturday nights, which is the traditional Chinese Take Out and DVD night.
Assuming that I'll get out of the Regal void and eventually have free Saturday nights again.

My television is making a strange buzzing noise of which I'm not so sure is a good thing.
The buzzing is getting louder with every passing minute and I'm waiting for the screen to explode and chards of glass to come flying at my face.

I'm growing tired of drivers on my daily commute who feel like they're entitled to something on the road.
The kind of people who drive 50 mph in the passing lane and when they change lanes it's like, "I want to merge right this second so I'm going to change lanes right now whether you like it or not and I'm not going to use my turn signal because that would require extra exertion and you should be paying attention to which way I'm going anyway."
It's always the same folk as well: old people in Volvos or people in white minivans with a "W '04" sticker on the back.
I think the old people feel like they deserve something because they're so old and they've been around for a long time. In truth, most of these people have never done anything highly monumental in their lives. Most of these people just gave birth to kids who grew up to drive white minivans with "W '04" stickers on the back windshields.

It's a vicious cycle, somebody has to stop it.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

I wish Mozilla performed a grammar check as well as a spell check.

I'm starting to see a lot of plastic dolls dressed like Pearl District hipsters in my Google searches and on the Toothpaste For Dinner Livejournal Picture Generator.
Are these things like the new anime or--the always infinitely worse option--fan fiction?
People seem to be treating these dolls like children or pets.
"Kale got a haircut today. He looks *so* hott. [girlish giggle] Kyla got a new outfit but it doesn't seem to fit her as well as we thought. She can work it though. *So* cuuuuuute!!1!1one"
Followed by an emo picture of the dolls holding hands or half-naked in a doll bed.

Children or pets they want to sleep with...

I'll just add these dolls to my list of things I will never understand.
Before people who still think Kenny Chesney's straight and right after white belts.

I made dinner tonight and last night.
I think this should be noted as a monumental occasion as I have never in my life cooked dinner on my own before.
Last night I made Curry Pumpkin Puree soup with smoothies for dessert. Tonight I made chicken in basil-mustard sauce, sautéed in white wine.
I could kick Rachel Ray's ass.

I am old now and have not much to fear from the anger of gods.

Happy Easter

I watched a bit of Blades O' Glory before work today.
"It doesn't matter because you're flat in front like Ken!"
We never had a cardboard display; I'm disappointed that I wasn't able to take home a companion for my Ricky Bobby cutout that still happens to be sitting in my kitchen... after almost seven months.
I'm waiting with bated breath for the Harry Potter display.

No matter how many times I look at the logo, the D in "Disney" will always look like a backwards G to me.
Always.

I'm wondering who exactly would join Ruby Tuesday's "So Connected" newsletter.
Do people out there love Ruby Tuesday that much?
I don't think I've ever set foot in one of those restaurants.
I went to a TGIF once...
I seem to remember it being an all around unpleasant experience.

Look at how small this font is.
For some reason I can't change it; happy headaches.