Oh, cynicism, where is thy sting?

I'll be in Montana this Valentine's Day, with dear Madisoooon.
(That is to be pronounced "Madisoon" because I enjoy saying that aloud.)

I never really acknowledge Valentine's Day as a holiday outside of my family.
It always seems so futile; the grocery stores and Walmart are just exploiting the sentimentality of new couples and school girls.
Though, I must admit, I always looked forward to it in grade school because of all the candy and the obligatory-valentines from my array of crushes.

Ah, those were the days.

First United Crystal Methodist Church of Ohio

Tonight I filed the work for my tax refund for the first time.
If I were a vulgar person, I'd say something about feeling like the new and attractive man after his first night in a prison full of hungry and deprived inmates, but I'm not vulgar so let's just say that I'm feeling a bit... violated.
Thanks a lot, Bush Administration.

Of course, now that I've mentioned them in a negative context a flag with my name on it has gone up somewhere in the Pentagon labeling me as a threat to their "divine plan" and they'll take away all of my refund.


toothpastefordinner.com

This is me not working on D&S homework.
Ho hum.

Fauno

Tonight we saw Pan's Labyrinth with all the hipsters and dripsters.
It was amazing but about as traumatizing as the worst Japanese horror film I've ever seen.
I couldn't believe it, I was expecting more fantasy but instead I got graphic, abhorrent violence.

A wonderful and morbidly beautiful movie, though; it definitely put everyone in the theater on an emotional... ski lift.
A black diamond run with the ten-minute long ride to the top that requires a transfer half way up the mountain.
And you eat it hard in a drift a third of the way down, lose a glove and a pole and get to the bottom of the hill in shattered pieces...

Scented aspirin for perfume headaches

I'm doing just great, and how about yourself?
Oh, wait, you didn't ask me.
That's right... I forgot.
No, it's cool; I wasn't really expecting it anyway.





















Strikes again.

I work with a bunch of silly boys.
Tonight, one of them was sweeping up concessions, stopped suddenly, looked at me with intense seriousness and said,
"Whoever had the idea of putting a brush on the end of a stick was, like, a genius."

Ah hahaha, indeed.

What will you do when the curtain falls?

Tonight was dead.
It felt like a weekday, I had about five customers.
So, they sent me home early and now I'm wound up and bored, bored, bored.

I can't decided which is worse:
Couples who are disgusting and make out at my counter.
Or couples who look like super models and make out at my counter.
Either way, I really don't appreciate it when people mack on each other when all that is separating me from them is a pathetic stretch of counter.

The worst is when they're going at it and are holding up my line so I can't ignore them.
I have to interrupt them to push them through and every once in a while they'll actually get angry with me.
"Oh, I'm sorry. As much fun as watching that was, the people behind you don't appreciate you exposing your breasts to their six year-old kid so would you please take it to the back of a dark theater like everybody else?"

Another popular one is couples who don't make a decision on what they want before they reach the front of the line, so it takes them at least five minutes to decide.
But it's a huge production, it's like they're deciding on which car they're going to buy or... which kid to adopt.
"What do you want, babe?"
"I'll eat whatever you get."
"Okay...uh...look at what they have, they have-uh-popcorn, pretzels, nachos--"
"I don't want nachos."
"Okay. How about one pretzel and--"
"Ew, a pretzel? Really?"
"You don't like pretzels?"
"No."
"Okay, want some candy?"
"Whatever candy you want, I don't care. I'll eat whatever you'll eat."
"Okay, sour patch kids and a coke."
"I want popcorn."
"Okay, one buttered popcorn--"
"No butter."
"One medium popcorn, no butter and--"
"Medium, really?"
"What's wrong with a medium?"
"That's a lot of popcorn... I'm only going to have a few bites. Whatever you want, I don't care."
"One small popcorn, no butter, sour patch kids and a coke."
"Maybe I want some chocolate. Oh, look! They have coffee..."

And on, and on, and on, and on, and ON!
Then, nine times out of ten after the woman has told the guy she only wants a few bites of the small popcorn, the guy comes out asking if we give freefills on the small popcorn because they want more.
Seriously? You just...

Seriously?

Snow, hey oh.

Michelle and I went out in the new snow today!
We walked all day and covered all parts of the neighborhood:


The koi pond was covered with a sheet of ice and our back patio was quickly defiled by me and the dog.


I'm not sure why this turned blue when I uploaded it to photobucket; it was definitely in color when I took it from the front step and when loaded it to my computer...


I love this photo.


This one was also in color and the flash made the snowflakes shine.


I was wearing enough layers that if you punched me in the stomach, I wouldn't have felt it.


We walked up Fremont to get something to drink, everything was closed because apparently three inches of snow makes the world shut down.


We went in to Parisi's for panini and espresso.
Michelle caught up on current events...


...while I took pictures of myself.


This is Michelle's, "God, you're stupid." face. I asked her something about The Sims and she turned around and gave me this face. I get this face often.


Michelle lookin' all angsty and stuff against somebody's garden wall on Beaky and 29th.


My attempt... not so great. I couldn't stop laughing. Teenage angst is amusing.

There's more, I may post some later.
Maybe I'll figure out why those pictures turned colors...

Kids and adults have been sledding down our hill all day, being rowdy and making a lot of noise.
I'm waiting for one of them to run head-first into the neighbor's suv that's always parked halfway in the street and halfway in the drive way.
Every time they get a little close somebody in the family goes, "Oh...OH!! Aaawww..."
It's going to happen...

You're the one for me, Fatty. You're the one I really, really love.

"Lost" star reveals his dark side

He can't be serious...

Tonight I was preparing popcorn for a woman (small bag, extra butter in the middle and on top, could you please shake it and make sure you put salt in the middle? Also, if you could balance this egg on your head and dance the Can-Can while reciting the Gettysburg Address that would be great, thanks.) who was the beginning of a huge line.
Important Popcorn Safety Tip: Never hurry when buttering the popcorn. It will spray everywhere and that shit does not come off.
Ever.

Of course, doing the logical thing in a situation where people are yelling at you and treating you as if you are beneath them, I hurried so I could speed them through my line.
Well, the butter sprayed everywhere.
Not only that, but it sprayed in my hair, on my shirt, on my neck, on my face and in my eyes.
Not in my eyelids.
In my eyes; I was blinded and it burned like holding a lighted firecracker in the palm of my hand.

And the woman laughed, told me she wished she had a video camera and then jokingly asked if I could do it again because that was just soooooo funny.

It took at least three face washings to get it off of my skin, the oil took all of my eye makeup off in one swipe without any rubbing.
It was evening eye makeup, that is a lot of makeup to wipe off.

We're all floating in the sea of wrong as you go by in your ship of right.

Oh, Dane Cook, you're so full of shit.


toothpastefordinner.com

My attempted post was wonderful; I reflected on Real World Vs. Road Rules, my much-hated Italiano class, moving to Europe for a year, Justin Timberlake's neon blue fedora that makes him look like the sixth member of Devo...

And, of course, the computOR had a bit of a fit and crashed on me.
Sad.

So, tell me, why is Dante number six on Yahoo's top eight most popular searches?
Maybe it's some new hippity hop star that I'm not aware of or... whatever.

I've signed up for pretty much every form of alarm for when the new Harry Potter book comes out. I'll probably get about thirty e-mails telling me when it's going to be released but that's only going to extend my joy.
Last year was weird, I was in France when it came out and Debra reminded me in the cafe of our hotel in Nice.
"Andrea, the book comes out tomorrow."
I drop my fork with a loud clang, let out a little squeal and clutch my hands together, "OHMYGAWDITOTALLYFORGOTHOWCOULDIHAVEFORGOTTENE
EEEEEEE!"

That's pretty much exactly how it went down.

Untwist your man panties and calm down.

This isn't funny.
(Hahahahaha...)

Since the FCC has granted permission, The-N has been airing the Manny/abortion Degrassi episode once every couple of weeks.
My favorite part is the discussion of symbolism in Moby Dick in Ms. Kwan's class while Manny is secretly looking at the procedure information.
Ms. Kwan calls on Spinner and he says, "Okay... uh... well, there's the ocean. Oceans are a symbol of life, right? And uh... Ishmael goes on a quest on the ocean looking for the meaning of life."
Then the camera pans over to Manny lookin' all angsty and stuff while she ponders the abortion.

Oh, Degrassi, no wonder the FCC wanted to shut you down.

Canconeta

This week, when I found my intro to anthropology class listed on WebCT, I had a mini-panic attack; I thought I might have to participate in more group activites.
Group activities are on the top of my serious dislike list next to white belts and get-to-know-each-other games. I loathe them and here I am stuck in two classes where participating is crucial to the grade, I didn't want to have to deal with yet another one.
Luckily, I downloaded the syllabus and found that my teacher just uses the website to list readings for our convenience.
"YES! Oh, thank you, GOD." is what I said.
There was a lot of unnecessary grief and stress that went into me finding that class online, you don't even know.
You don't. even. know.

"Well, why don't you go to the whine factory and buy yourself some whine tickets! That's w-h-i-n-e!"
Hahaha, my mom's hilarious.

Just Like The Movies

Taken from George Carlin's New Rules Of 2007:

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf-grande, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet, oooh, you're a huge asshole.

But shouldn't we partly blame Starbucks for giving people the option to ask for such a ridiculous drink?
I think so.

We all have our pretentious asshole moments; I've always wanted to walk into Shaper Image and say, "Excuse me, I need a sound system that will properly convey the brilliance of Rimsky-Korsakov's Scheherazade while providing me with equal quality when I listen to Felix Mendelssohn Bartholdy's Song Without Words and Khachaturian's Gayane ballet suite."
Mmmyes.

Everyone has the occasional need to prove their higher-rank in something.
I wanted to be a foreign literature major for the sole purpose of going to late-night coffee shops and beating down the hipsters with my extensive knowledge in classic Russian literature.
But all that heavy reading is exhausting; I'd much rather dig up bones and pieces of pottery for a living.

We also have the jealousy moments.
You want others to know of your complicated and impressive taste in music and films but you don't actually want other people to become fans.
I want you to know that I appreciate Paris Combo--and I want you to appreciate that I appreciate Paris Combo--but I don't want you to also appreciate them.
And when the person starts becoming a fan, you become slightly jealous and then go on a quest to search out a new band/film/book that has yet to be touched by your fellow peers so you can continue this cycle of one-upping each other in your knowledge of all things that ultimately don't matter in life.

Ah, humans are hilarious.

They're making me watch Lucky Number Slevin; I should probably tend to that.

Elephant Gun

In less than eleven hours, I will have the remaining three of the wisdom teeth pulled from my mouth.
Damn evolutionary by-products; teeth things creep me out so I am less than thrilled to have this done.
I know they do it thirty times a day every day--except on weekends and holidays--but I must admit I am nervous and not looking forward to the sickening feeling of the stitches hanging out in my mouth for a week or so until I swallow them in the middle of the night.

We saw The Good Shepherd tonight.
It was pretty cool; pretty long and depressing.
It was so long that I finished my water bottle halfway through and had to go freefill it.
I was dying of thirst but of course there had to be an old man sitting at the end of the isle.
So, when I climbed over him I stepped on his foot, kicked over his half-empty popcorn bag, kneed the backs of the chairs of the people sitting in front of him and knocked his Burberry coat on the floor.
I knew it was Burberry because I saw the lining; it may have been dark but that was not fake.
Then when I got back, I successfully climbed over him without kicking, kneeing or knocking anything but when I sat down I dropped my water bottle and it rolled under everybody's seats all the way to the front of the theater.

Aaaaw, all of that work...

Ho bisogno del cibo.

This may be the first time in my entire life where I have to eat food but I don't want to.
Oh my God, the world is going to spin of its axis and plunge into the sun.


























Ah, Toothpaste for Dinner, you always know what to say.