I believe paperclips are the larval stage of wire coat hangers.

I feel like this pretty much nutshells my life right now.

I've started at Macy's; I feel like it's just replaced Regal in the way that instead of complaining about popcorn I just complain about bedsheets.
I'm monitoring my complaining, nobody likes a whiner. I like the job and the people, I'm keeping my mouth shut.
But I will tell you this:
I am never--ever--buying one thing from Martha Stewart. She can take all of her 5-lb, flannel, king-sized, floral bed sets and shove them up her...

All we're doing right now is stocking the shelves; it doesn't matter which department you work in, the goal is to just get all of the merchandise out of the boxes.

I'm so physically and mentally exhausted, it's like a nine hour marathon of life-sized Tetris.
I'm also at that irrational stage of exhaustion where I could cry/scream/laugh hysterically at the drop of a pin.



Ah haaaaaa, I need to get me some sleep.

10lb Moustache

You know, every time you say you're interested in something I just disbelieve it more and more.
You should probably stop trying to convince yourself and just accept your fate.


I have an issue.
An issue... with picking all the cookie dough chunks out of my Ben and Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough pint and then just leaving the vanilla ice cream to collect freezer burn in my freezer.
It's an addiction, I know.
I'm dealing with it on my own terms.

Oooh, my last Reg day is on Thursday.
Birthday on Tuesday.
It's getting more and more out of control as the days go by; more and more people are being invited with or without my consent.
My apartment is only so big... it's going to turn out to be like the worst and most hilarious parts of Superbad.
Oh well, it's not a real birthday party if we don't get arrested. Otherwise, we're all just kidding ourselves.

I guess my insecurity about spending the night alone (crying, ah haha) was all in vain.

Sometimes, I think the people who drive the trains through town at 4 am are just trying to irritate the entire city with their whistles.
Is it really necessary to sound it off twelve times in a row?
Nay, it's not.

I. Hate. Internet. Explorer.
It's way too late in the night (or early in the morning...) for me to spell things on my own.

In The House - In A Heartbeat

Oh, children, if we're going to partake in all this drama why don't we just enroll back in high school?
How old are we?
Seriously.
Srsly.

So, guess who is a new and improved sales associate at the downtown Macy's?
R-hetorical question, it's me!
I get to wear jeans every day, my dream has come true.
Also, it is in no way related to El Reg and that is something that is EXTREMELY important.
If I could stress extremely any more than bold, capital and italic letters, I would.
I hate you, Reg; in layman's terms:
Fuck off and die.

Also,


toothpastefordinner.com